Where did my youth go?


Friday night.  Home.  Feeling cold.  Heater is on and it’s not helping me too much.  I miss the combustion heater.  It really did a great job keeping me warm.  It was hard work though.  I collected the firewood, loaded and unloaded it from the boot of my car, and then stacked it up close enough to my back door for ease of pick up.  Still, I trudged it indoors where I fed it to the combustion heater and watched it burn to a beautiful amber glow.  I would stand near it, warming my hands and my legs.  Gee it felt so good.  The dust/ash was problematic.  On a daily basis I cleaned it up. It was worth it though.  Simply to feel the warmth against my skin.

And now…

I warm my home with ducted heating, and it’s not the same.  I have nothing to stand up against to warm my cold hands and my cold legs.  The vents are up high on the ceilings and standing beneath one feels like using a hair dryer on slow speed.   It’s just not the same as standing in front of a combustion heater.

For dinner tonight, I made 2 toasted cheese and ham sandwiches. I’m now watching Eurovision broadcast on SBS1, and my cavoodle is snuggled up next to me.  Her warmth by my side helps to remove some of the chill I’m feeling, while I’m briefly recalling my day.  Work was, well.  Non eventful.  Today’s forecast was cold.

As I’m watching Eurovision I can’t help but notice the beautiful women on it and the men that stand tall and strong.  Their youth is clear, and I’m wondering where my youth went.  What happened to my youth?  Where did it go?  Where have my years run away to?

In retrospect.  I went from finishing high school and then meeting the man I married.  Then 2 children.  Then divorce.  Then back to full-time work.  Raising a family on my own.  No support.  None what so ever. Children grown up.  I’m still alone, and it is likely never to change.  Yes, that’s where my youth went.  Now, I’m not young any more, not as young as I was over 30yrs ago.  Life.  Time.  It travels fast.  All within a blink of an eye.

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5 thoughts on “Where did my youth go?

    1. You are right. Life experience has merit. As I get older, I count my blessings knowing that so far, I’ve survived and continue to enjoy the music of life. Thanks for reading!

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      1. It’s frustrating isn’t it. Ill bet you don’t feel your age(I know I don’t) yet so much time taken doing what needs to be done because things out of your control have been left to you. Because of that priorities change and subsequently life takes you down paths you could never anticipate. Chin up because I have to believe these things happen for a reason.

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