I just wrote a note on a blog to someone that is not in a very good place right now. I’m sharing this here because it might also be relevant to anyone else that might stumble across this entry and hopefully it might help them to see things from a different perspective than the one they’re entertaining right now. Of course, this is not to proclaim that I have the answer, or that I’m right in any way or form, but that I too have a voice and an opinion and want to share it with you, just in case it helps you in some way.
What I wrote:
‘What does it take to be heard, to be noticed, to be wanted, to be loved? There are no formulas nor algorithms (even though you’ll hear many proclaiming that there is) that will provide you with an answer to those questions.
People are more often than not overly preoccupied in their own lives and living inside their own heads to stop and be in the moment and look up, notice someone else for a change. Everyone is sporting their own life story along with the many and multifaceted layers that each life owns, yours included.
Being single doesn’t make you inferior to those that are not. In fact, the opposite is true. Those that are coupled often wish they were single and wonder how on earth they allowed themselves to be in their ‘coupled’ situation. Bottom line is that the coupled are jealous of the single, and their insecurities around the single is amplified to the extreme that they will say stupid things like Demi Lovato’s quote, ”You ain’t nobody ‘til you got somebody.” Like seriously? What a lot of croc! To believe such a thing is to enable the banner of superiority that couples have of themselves over the singles. Who the hell ever stated that one is better than the other? Who? And besides, who gives a fuck if you’re married or single? What does that have to do with anything, with life?
We all have a life to live. We live because we are in a biological body, an organism among the many on earth that are external to it and also internal to it. The idea that people should be coupled stems from a longing that is perpetuated in romanticism. A single person can live a good life without buying into the ideology of the coupled and the married. Live the life you want and live it for you and don’t give a fuck about what anyone else thinks. Who cares what they think? Why should you care? Primordially, people are social creatures, and being coupled can be something that most people aspire to, but it isn’t the only objective in life. The objective is to survive the life you are born into and to make the most of what you have right now. Not what is to come, what once was, but what is ‘present’ right now, what you need to deal with right now. Anything else, is surplus to our existence and just another layer to consider and to take into account.
Remember who you are. You are not the sum of all the people you know or have known. You are the sum of all that you were born into and the sum of all that can ever be. No-one can take from you all that you are and all that you will become. Your life is your own and only you can make that heart of yours beat, the lungs in your chest to breathe the air that you are born to breathe. Live and let live. Life is too short to think or believe that your life is of a lesser value than that of another. Everyone on this Earth has value, even if they don’t believe it of themselves. The sum of all of us makes us one.’
Are single people really that caught up in wanting to find their significant other?
I know that in my younger years I may have aspired to such thinking and beliefs, but that was a long time ago. I woke up one day in my 40’s and thought, no more, this is it, and in making my decision I don’t feel like I’m missing out, far from it. And that is the crux of it all.
I hope my note to the blogger is received in good faith, because I just had to say something.