Ennui

What is it?  It is a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement, and this sums me up right now.

I have felt this sense of ennui for some time now, and I blame it entirely on the lack of stimulating activity I’ve endured in recent times. I have pondered on how I can fix this. Sure there are a myriad of things that I could do to change this, but nothing is attracting my attention right now. Nothing at all, it seems. Is this possible?

Many people around me seem to have hobbies that keep them stimulated, interested and preoccupied. What are my hobbies? I examine this in detail and discover that just about everything is a hobby; well according to Wikipedia it is. It lists that there are hobbies under various streams sporting titles that cater for indoors and outdoors; collection hobbies, competition hobbies, and observation hobbies. As I sift through this list, I realise that I have many hobbies after all, but none of which stimulate my interest. Well, that’s just a great thing. Isn’t it? I’m feeling bummed now. No, not really. It’s OK.

Where to from here?

How do I overcome this feeling of ennui?

I’ll ride it like a summer breeze until it will pass.

To be alive is to feel the varying feelings that life bestows upon us. I feel these things because I am reminded that I have it good, and life is a blessing.

It is human to feel emotion. Each one is valid.

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What you seek, is seeking you.

It goes without say that reaching mid-life, enforces a new interpretation of how we see and experience the world around us.

I had a discussion with a friend last night and it became clear that we seem to be experiencing the same unrepresented feelings in our day-to-day lives.  We both agreed that we have reached a strange plateau in which we don’t seem to feel excited about any thing, any more.  This isn’t a good thing!

We observed that we’ve both had similar life experiences.  We were once married, had children, worked and kept working, and now we are living a very routine life in which we work, come home, work, home, work, home – you get the drift, and then there is the occasional out somewhere with a group of friends – which is fun, and lasts the night, and it seems odd that at this point in our lives, the excitement, inspiration, motivation and the looking forward to “something” appears to be non-existent.  Why is it so?  Where did the joyful feelings of life and all that it represents, go?

Meanwhile, no matter what angle we look at this, we’ve no answers.  Is it the norm to feel empty inside when reaching mid-life, or is this simply what is classified as a “mid-life crisis?” Don’t get me wrong though.  We are women in our own right, both divorced, and blessed with good health, family, friends, a home and all sorts of every day things, and with all that we have and are blessed with, we feel empty? WTF? Why is it so?

Then it was blatantly obvious that the reason we feel empty inside is that we don’t have a significant other to love or to be loved by.  No matter how we looked at it, the one thing that we both lack in our lives is the love of a good and honest “man.”  So basic.  So simple.  We ask, “Is this the ‘only’ reason?”  We are aware that it is a basic part of human existence.  We are all beings that seek out the companionship and love of another, and it’s not about “need” but more about being part of the human “condition” the human race.

Regardless, we both don’t want to find a man from any dating sites.  We have tried those and it just didn’t work out.  Pubs? Nah.  Who wants a drunkard? Not me.  Waiting for nature to take its course can be like watching paint dry.  It will dry up, eventually.

G~